4 January 2011

Some people believe that i am so strong
But the truth is...i am
But it still crash when i see my kids
They suffer...more than i do
I can hold on...to make them strong is the hardest thing to do
I cant stop my tears from falling every time i look them in the eye
I see those pain, those whom, they may not realize that
But i am a mother...i now them better then anyone else


Sometimes i just want to erase everything about the past
But my heart wont let it...
How ever, he always be part of me
We had bound for the rest of our lives
The Kids...
I cant destroy their memories about their father

Ya Allah...
Gave me strength to carry on
I will never know what would future bring me to
I just let it all in Your Hand Allah
Only You who really know about my heart, my pain, my disappointed
And i believe Only You who can cure me
With Your Way...
Ya Allah...Let You to be my Guide...
Ammiin...

 

3 January 2012

New Year...
Still remember you
Could never really get you out of my heart

I want to tell you, something happens in the last few days
I meet someone...
Remember the butterfly in my stomach?
First time i felt that while you r still in my life
29 December 2011...yes that day
I felt that butterfly in my stomach all day long...because of you
Now i felt that again...for this someone new
*smile*
You are irreplaceable AP...
You are the first one since 13years of my life that can steal my heart away
Never enough time for you to know me better
But if you knew, once i gave my heart, you will always have it
You may never know this, but it is oke
I learn to give without taken...only to you.
I love you...

29 December 2011

Flash back...

I kept all the chat with you, i read it a million times.

At the beginning of the early destruction of me,
Those short words in your message,
The wise quotes that you send to me,
Feels like a spray of water in the heat of the sunburn.

If you ever know how much it all mean to me...
I am so grateful for each second while i can read all those words that you wrote for me
Even if it only say...'ok' or ':)' or 'tq ya' or...*smile while my face full of tears*
Every single word from you could put back smile and tears at the same time on my face.
How could i ever forget you...!
You came in to my life in the most critical moment...
You know everything about me,
You said you know my pain, you can feel my heart,
And you offer me your shoulder for me to cry, or even just lay down when i got tired,
You said..."everything is gonna be okay, i am here for you"
You hold me...i feel so comfort in you arms, feels like all my trouble fade away...
I feel peace beside you...

Ya Allah...
I miss him so much...i want you to hold my hand again
and said "everything will be alright"

Ya Allah...
I want his heart...but it will never come true
His a good guy...
and i'll never think to turn my self to become the person that i hate so much

Ya Allah...his heart is so beautiful...and he will always be my heart...
I would not stop saying to my self everyday...that i miss him so much...

You are my heart -AP-

1 December 2011

Still Miss You so much...
*Smile*

I never thought everything will be over so fast, could I say that we already start something that we should not?

Even you said : "I should stop before I start"
I cried...while I read every words you wrote to me
I cried ... After realizing there is one thing that is already growing inside, so wonderful but also so painful...
I cried...cried...and cried
Couldn't stop cried...
I wrote to you...and all I wrote is all a lie...
I try to put smile on my message to you...
Meanwhile...my eyes are full with tears...you'll never know...

But what you did was the right thing to do
You save me...
From my own weakness
With the most painful way you can ever give
I know where I stand...
I only hope I could have a chance to tell you...

That I'm in Love With You...
-AP-

The End of this Chapter.

30 November 2011

I miss you so badly...I miss what happens last night with you...of course with all that guilty feelings stuck in my mind...so confused...we meet again...just for few second...so regret for to day, why would I just spent this evening with you...if I know this is the last I can see you...*sad*

But I still do Miss you...and it is wrong...

29 November 2011

To day...so full of surprises, from you.
What we experience is so far away from what we thought would had happen :)

I don't care what your purpose to, but what are you doing today is able to makes me smile with complete confusion...yes you success.

I really feel bad, we both definitely feel guilty. By Allah, I never intend going to become like this…i really so confused, doubtful, restless, feeling guilty, and tormented.

8 November 2011

New Chapter of my life

You Came...
In the middle of the greatest storm,
You took my hand, in unpredictable moment,
You gave me your shoulder in my weakest
You wipe my tears away
You put back smile on my face
You rise me up and keep me shine
You make me believe again...
You show me the strength I have inside...
Thank you for those moments
Even only for a while, few minute in a day
The presence of you give a deepest meaning for my heart...I know you knew that...
But I know, I could not have been able to reach you,
I could not have been able to touch your heart as you touched my heart...
You heart belong to someone else...
And what do you give for me? I don't even know what to call it. I only could feel it.